God Save the BBC

My deepest, most fervent desire is not to be rich and famous, nor is it to retire to a gorgeous tropical island. I don't care about being young forever. What I really really want is to move to St. Mary Mead and become Miss Marple. Even as a kid I fantasized about solving murder mysteries and I tortured generations of neighborhood kids by forcing them to be in my detective squads.

So thank God for the English- they really know how to put together a good murder.

Midsomer Murders

Actually, this is little more than an English version of Murder She Wrote. It's pretty tame and often downright silly. But it's got great locations- all those little villages in the fictional county of Midsomer, and a much more interesting cast. John Nettles as Inspector Barnaby. He always has a good looking sergeant as his assistant. There must be about 50 episodes by now, adding up to hundreds of corpses.

Inspector Lynley

These mysteries are dark and realistic, from the books by American author Elizabeth George. Thomas Lynley is an aristocrat as well as a detective and his assistant, Barbara Havers, is from a working class background. This leads to lots of tension and snotty remarks using the word posh. My only complaint is that ex-wife of his. She needs to be one of the murder victims.

Foyle's War

Oh boy, is this good! It takes place during World War II and it perfectly captures the mood of the time. Hastings is a small coastal town, apparently full of smugglers and Nazi sympathizers and black marketeers. Inspector Foyle is quiet and retiring but don't let that fool you. He always, always catches the murderer. Honeysuckle Weeks is great as his nosy driver, Samantha.

Prime Suspect

What can I say? This is the best of the best. There will never be another Jane Tennyson, nor another Helen Mirren. She's an alcoholic, a terrible daughter, she's unashamedly ambitious, and she'll claw your eyes out if you get in her way. (Jane Tennyson, not Helen Mirren.) The writing and acting are without fail top-notch.